Leaving my home, to travel home

Today I'm leaving Oxford. I'll be staying the night in London and then getting into Kansas City the next day at around 10:30 pm CST. This has been an incredible journey. Right now, I'm a bit overwhelmed with my thoughts and reflections on the past four months.

A while ago, I made a post with some lyrics from Regina Spector's song, The Call which sort of summed up my emotions. There's another song from Switchfoot that I'm listening to right now as I write this. I very much identify with the words in this song. Being eternal souls created in God's image, we are not made for this world. In different places, I think we can catch glimpses of what we were made for, but in this life it will never be complete.

In the U.S. I have an amazing family and steadfast friends that give me a glimpse of heaven. It's also a time of year when we are more keenly aware of our blessings: past, present and future. But here in Oxford, my mind has found learning and growth I've never known before. I've also made steadfast friends here, and it will be difficult being separated. C. S. Lewis felt that he got glimpses of joy every now and then. I think I've found a bit as well, and it resides in Oxford. As I reflect on the incomplete beauty of this world, having some good things in Kansas and having some good things here, I realize I am not made for this world, and my spirit will never be fully content until the next world.

Switchfoot's "This is Home"

I've got my memories

Always

Inside of me

But I can't go back

Back to how it was

I believe you now

I've come too far

No I can't go back

Back to how it was

Created for a place

I've never known

Chorus:

This is home

Now I'm finally

Where I belong

Where I belong

Yeah, this is home

I've been searching

For a place of my own

Now I've found it

Maybe this is home

Yeah, this is home

And now after all

My searching

After all my questions

I'm gonna call it home

I got a brand new mindset

I can finally see

The sunset

I'm gonna call it home

(Chorus)

Now I know

Yeah, this is home

I've come too far

And I won't go back

Yeah, this is home

A spectacular day at the Kilns

Donna McDaniel, warden of the Kilns where C. S. Lewis lived for many years, invited me over for tea at the Kilns. She and I have mutual friends from Arizona, and we had already chatted a bit earlier when I came over for the tour.

So on Thursday afternoon, I took a bus over to Headington in Oxford and dropped in. Chelsea Carter, a student scholar living at the Kilns, made tea, and we had a great chat. Later, Donna showed up and we went into the lounge. We talked about all sorts of things: culture, politics, the church and (as one might have guessed) C. S. Lewis. Great conversation is something that comes readily in Oxford, as one might expect.

Donna then asked if I had plans for dinner. I told her I had none. Therefore, I got to sit in the space where Lewis sat, reading some of his essays, while dinner was prepared. I also took an unexpected nap.

For dinner, we had brussels sprouts, pot roast and salad with American ranch dressing! It was fantastic. Two instructors from Exeter college, Claire and Tyler, came over. Tyler was very helpful in giving me some input for applying for an M.Phil here at Oxford. Being an American who is now teaching here, he told me what scholarships to look for in order to get funding to come.
For a Lewis and Narnia fan to get to spend an afternoon and evening at the Kilns, I must say that it was an experience that shall remain in my memory forever. To walk through the place where Lewis lived, wrote and thought was very special. I must thank Donna (and also Chelsea) for the wonderful conversation, delicious meal and spectacular day at the Kilns.

As the journey comes to an end

 Our group at Blenheim Palace

Well, the time is coming for us all to get ready to leave. I have less than two weeks here. That may seem like a while, but the last three months feel like only a few days. We have one more official group meeting on Saturday where we will all have dinner together, all the students and the Bywaters. Afterwards, we are taking trips to various places before going home. We're going to Brussels and then I'm off to Köln (Cologne), Germany with Josh and Lindsey while the others are going to Paris.

Today we met at the Bird and Babe for an unofficial discussion on worldviews, literature and such. I keep asking myself how I'm going to leave this place. Not too long ago, I had dinner in Christchurch dining hall with my friends. Most people would recognize it from the Harry Potter films. But it's not just the grandeur of this place. The history of it all coupled with the atmosphere for learning makes it almost magical. I was asking a full-time student here what the best thing about Oxford was. He told me that at Oxford you're not vilified for studying hard and not partying. I certainly found that to be true here. At KU, I've been criticized for taking several hours and working hard. The discussion here has been so satisfying to my hunger for great discussion. In the Summit flats, we don't talk so much about movies, celebrities and trivial things. We talk about culture, politics, interpreting scripture, theology, philosophy, how to be a positive impact on the culture as well as our personal goals and pursuits.

I have an amazing family waiting for me at home. I also have some truly rare and steadfast friends. But when you are on an adventure with a fellowship of nine (and even ten including Kevin who's shared a lot of our journey), you live together, eat together, travel together, laugh together and at times struggle together, you form strong loyalties. Leaving each other will be very hard for all of us. Leaving the Bywater family and Oxford, this beautiful city of gleaming spires, will be hard.

Last weekend, I went to C. S. Lewis's home. I started thinking about Narnia, and I think for the first time in my life I'm beginning to understand how the Pevensie children felt returning to our world. When we get home, we'll show other people pictures. We'll tell about the trips we took and about each other. But the only ones with whom we'll be able to really identify is each other. I suppose that's part of life. You have experiences with great friends, and try as you may, you can't really explain to people what it was like.

These lyrics are from a song that played in the film, Prince Caspian, when the Pevensie children leave Narnia. Last night, Josh, Lindsey, Andrea and I stayed up till 2:30 am looking at pictures and listening to this song. It explains a lot of what we're all feeling.

The Call

It started out as a feeling

Which then grew into a hope

Which then turned into a quiet thought

Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder

'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back

When you call me

No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing

Doesn't mean it's never been this way before

All you can do is try to know who your friends are

As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon

And follow the light

You'll come back when it's over

No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over

No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet

But just because they can't feel it too

Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger

'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back

When they call you

No need to say goodbye

You'll come back

When they call you

No need to say goodbye

Finished with term and visiting the Kilns

I just had my final tutorial with Dr. Rooksby today. It went very well, and he appreciated my thoughts on Dickens' Great Expectations, one in particular. I'm hoping to have him out for lunch sometime this week, possibly Friday. That evening I'm meeting with friends of some people from our church.
The whole term is winding down. Tomorrow we're beginning our concluding Summit sessions, and after that we'll have some travel before going home.

I feel like no time has passed. It will be very strange going home after all of this. Leaving Oxford as an educational environment has changed me in terms of how I try to learn and study. The whole experience here is a time of learning as opposed to the U.S. where the idea is that the class time is the learning time and not your walk down the street and looking at the buildings around you.

Summit Oxford students visiting the Kilns

It's been an amazing experience. I'll share more on my concluding thoughts later. As of right now, I'm still processing all that has transpired and what it's going to be like leaving. Perhaps the best thing right now is to share a bit about one of my more recent great experiences.
Last Saturday, five of the Summit Oxford students went to Headington (a suburb in Oxford) to visit C. S. Lewis's home, the Kilns. It was a great experience and truly amazing. We got to meet the caretaker, Donna McDaniel who gave us a wonderful tour. I also got to meet C. S. Lewis's step-son, Douglas Gresham, who dropped in briefly. Getting to meet the man who has written about his step-father and knew him so well was a privilege indeed. All of us had read Lewis to certain extents, and sitting where he wrote and walking where he walked was very thought provoking. For a fan of the Narnian Chronicles who is staffed at NarniaWeb.Com, I have to say it was a fulfilling of one of my dreams.

The Kilns

Wrapping up the Oxford term

It's currently Friday of 8th week, and I've been saying goodbye both to the friends I've made here and to Oxford. It's likely been the hardest and most demanding term I've ever had, but it's also been the best, and I would not trade it for anything. The Summit term has helped me to consider my interests (which are extremely varied) and allow me to consider how I might best combine those for a career. Meanwhile, the Oxford term has helped me in developing my skills in writing (and reading) as well as my German. I feel that I have benefited immensely from these studies.

I also have been saying goodbye to my friends here in the U.K. I had lunch yesterday with a fellow New College student who I met within my first week of tutorials here named Matt. He's a brilliant student currently studying Science of Humanities here. When I told him I was studying worldviews like Christianity, Islam, Marxism and Secular Humanism, he said, "Wonderful! Every time I tell someone I'm a secular humanist I have to explain what I am." That lead to many great discussions over lunch and dinner in the college dining hall. Today we had what will likely be our last lunch together. I commented on how I have found that in Britain, people are much more willing to have discussion over contentious issues and have arguments that are really exciting and intense. Afterwards, they don't take the disagreements personally. We just shake hands and ask when we'll get together next. In the U.S. I've had times (one in particular comes to mind) when I was arguing with a fellow over what I considered to be an essential of the Christian faith, and a pastor came over and tried to break up the argument, getting angry with me when I tried to renew it. But with people like Matt, we can have all sorts of great discussions, and I personally found his questions about my faith to be very probing and helpful to me in my growth. I gave him a copy of Dinesh D'Souza's What's So Great About Christianity as a parting gift, and we went our separate ways.

Last night I went to a Christmas party with some of the other American students here in Oxford. I'm had a great time. I've gotten to have some great discussions with many of them. One in particular, Chris, is a really great guy. We come from very different perspectives both religiously and politically, but I feel I've gained a friend and we both have mutual respect for each other as men who try to think critically about the world.

I'm going to miss this place so much.

An English Thanksgiving

Well, a week has gone by since Thanksgiving, and I thought I'd share a brief recap. On Thursday, the American students studying here went to the office for the Oxford Study Abroad Programme and had turkey sandwiches. One of the tutors here asked me what Thanksgiving was about. "Is it thanksgiving for arrival [to the new world]?" I told him that it could be, but that it was more a day to give thanks in principle for what you have, for family, friends, the ability to throw a feast—that it was a day of thanksgiving to remember what you have and be thankful. He found this a very interesting and worthy holiday.

Then on Saturday we had the real feast. I actually went over on Friday afternoon to watch over the Bywater children and keep them out of their mum's hair so she and some of the other students could prepare the food for tomorrow. My roommate, Josh and I, then spent the night there. The next morning, Lindsey came over to help prepare food, and the rest of the students came at around 11:00 am. Then we ate at around 1:00 or so. It was amazing. Mrs. Bywater cooked a delicious turkey, Andrea made stuffing, Jessica made apple pies, and we had mashed potatoes, pickles, vegetables, and scrumptious home made cranberry sauce to boot. It was one of the best thanksgivings I've ever had. I have to say that after all the time I've spent with the Bywater family and my friends here, that we really are a family (or pseudo-family as Josh calls it). Kevin and I have spoken on the loyalties this group has, and it's extraordinary.